I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
