Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
