you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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