Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
