I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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