Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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