I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
