I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
