the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
