I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
