i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
