i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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