batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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