im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
