If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize