can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
