I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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