youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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