I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize