glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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