i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
