I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How does one acquire holy water?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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