"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
