the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
