both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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