nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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