i just wanna soil my oats bro
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
