And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
