I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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