I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
