omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
