I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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