We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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