Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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