pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i now understand why vodka
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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