I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
