I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if only i could text you this smell
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
