I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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