where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need a beard to bite.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
