I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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