I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
