Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
