is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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