It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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