I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
