i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
being pregnant is like rehab
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
