Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
