I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
