Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
