you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
