from now on my penis is your penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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