Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
