if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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