my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
