She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
