theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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