We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
