..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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