Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
